Never Can Goodbye, Girl (Tyler)

Well, I’ve been running from this blog post for quite some time. Since late 2018, I’ve toyed with the idea of shutting down my blog and focusing exclusively on my screenwriting.

Writing is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. It’s a tiresome, self-loathing process that I love to hate.

Storytelling is a part of my existence and this platform has helped me to unleash my universal truths.  I have a suffocating fear every single time I hit the publish button on a blog. I’ve shared some pretty cringey stories on here. This blog is a road map to the prayers of my heart and vagina. Nothing but transparency around these parts.  While I enjoy pouring out my soul in 1,000-word posts decorated with gifs, it’s time for me to say goodbye.

Sometimes it’s hard to cut ties with what’s familiar and this morning, I almost lost my nerve, yet again. The way my life is set up, the universe is quick to holla at ya girl. I’m on an astrology newsletter (don’t judge me) and today, part of my horoscope said, “Ceaselessly outgrow the old plot lines of your life story and embrace new ones.”

If that’s not confirmation, I don’t know what is.

I started blogging in December 2012 as an escape from my daily realities of working in local news. Working overnights in my 20s was a struggle. I needed a space to share my funny musings and reflect on the nonsense happening in the world without having to abide by the rules of journalism. I wish I had access to my very first post. It was something about being single while watching your friends start their families. Messy lmao As the years marched on, I did some raggedy videos (lmao), cooking demos (lmao), and think pieces (lmao), all trends that I thought could help me stand out in the blogging space. I didn’t feel like me. I was writing nothingness and calling it a hobby. In 2014, the rise of Black Lives Matter, the world was changing and so was I. I was unhappy with my life in Charlotte and applying to jobs left and right. Nothing was happening. I was 24 and desperately needed to do some soul searching. What do you want to be known for?

I wanted to be known for my authenticity. When you meet me you either really LIKE me or DESPISE me. There is no in-between. I’m super transparent about where I’ve been, where I am, and where I’m headed. I made a decision to revamp my site into a spirit-led humor blog about my faith walk.  Y’all have read about my wig falling off in public, me getting escorted out of Maya Angelou’s funeral, my 400-day sex fast, my decision to end my career as a news producer.

I even hosted a few meetups with other women bloggers back in the day.

Hosted some Twitter chats.

And partnered with other creatives over the years. I’ve done A LOT of good work in public and private. My favorite part is all of the messages I’ve received over the years from men and women who have told me about their personal challenges and how my blog resonated with the obstacles they’ve faced. The comments on here and social media have breathed new life into me time and time again. I never cared if 100 or 1,000 people read what I have to say. Restoring hope for 1 person is enough for me. I’ve been in meetings where strangers have referenced my blog. I always chuckle when I go places and people call me Girl Tyler. I’m like damn, y’all read my mess? Lmao

When I met Issa Rae in 2017, she signed my copy of her book, “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl”, and said, “Do you want me to write Tyler or Girl Tyler inside?”.

Blurry photographic evidence of that moment.

I about fell out.

As I’ve told many of you in the past, I do struggle with burn out. I tend to start projects going full throttle without pacing myself for hiccups along the way. I get overwhelmed which manifests itself into inconsistency and avoidance.

I’ve strayed from this path a few times and the last time, 2019, almost killed me. I lost a year of my life and jeopardized my health because just like Vanessa, I too wanted to have big fun.

Many of you sent me DMs asking why I hadn’t blogged in a year and sent kind messages just checking in to make sure I was okay. I wasn’t okay and you all knew that.

Healing is: messy, tacky, trifling, suffocating, nasty, ugly, gut-wrenching, upsetting to me and my homegirl. Above all, healing is NECESSARY. I lost myself and had to do some rigorous work to heal from the gaslighting that I’d endured.

And to think someone actually tried to convince me that I am unworthy. FOH.

I loved who I was in 2018 and I prayed many night to get back to being that person. Sis is gone. I had to endure a painfully rigorous reset. Today, I am more alluring than before.

Here are a few closing thoughts and lessons from unpublished blogs/notes on my phone to seal the last 8 years in this space:

1. Never apologize for desiring intimacy and human connection.
2. Harmony cannot thrive in chaos.
3. Your bare minimum will be considered high maintenance for certain people. THOSE ARE NOT YOUR PEOPLE.
4. There are adults living through their childhood traumas. You can be as sweet as pie, loving them with all your might, but it’ll never be enough. Nothing you do for them can substitute the healing that they desperately need. That’s their job, not yours.
5. No relationship, business, personal, or professional can thrive without accountability.
6. In order to maintain my sanity and need for control, I have to remind myself daily that no one, not even me, can ruin God’s plan for my life. His word will not return void.
7. People who aren’t sure about themselves will never be sure about you.
8. Settling for less is expensive.
9. People eventually become inhabitants of the discord they sow.
10. Some people speak to old versions of who you were. You found comfort and security in the familiar dysfunction that they provided.
11. People laughed at Jesus. The son. The healer. The miracle worker. After all He did on this Earth, they ridiculed and discarded Him.  Even as Jesus hung there on the cross, His faith did not waver. People cannot stop purpose.
12. Love does not require suffering.
13. Stop worrying about what is lost and cling to what remains.
14. Focus your energy on things that reveal God’s glory.
15. Social media often fills unfulfilled people’s desire to feel connected to others without the accountability that comes human connection.
16. The devil distracts what he cannot destroy.
17. Pray for preparation just as much as you pray for the very thing that you want.

My mom and close friends and even some of your messages have anchored me when I felt as though I was slipping away. I was literally on the floor crying 6 months ago and today I am excited about all of the incredible things working in my favor. It took a dark period to teach me how to genuinely pray and cry out to God. I’ve chased people, places, and things that were beneath me and now, in my big age of 31, it’s time to make amends and move forward with purpose.

That being said, I’m excited to migrate the stories from my blog to my new new podcast. If These Panties Could Talk is a comedic storytelling podcast about red flags, feminine instincts, and spiritual alignment. The late Maya Angelou once said, “When you know better, you do better.” Auntie is right….but this podcast is for the hard-headed among us. In each episode, “panties” represent truth and discernment. The moment of truth when your higher self signals you that something is off. At times we’re fortunate to come out of sticky situations seemingly unscathed, however, there’s always a part of our inner-selves who is silenced and belittled. Dating, relationships, poor financial habits, bad business deals, failed friendships. If These Panties Could Talk aims to air it all out.

I’m excited to start over (again). I’m nervous and excited all at once. This time with renewed purpose and strength.

“Spiritual growth involves giving up the stories of your past so the universe can write a new one.”           -Marianne Williamson

GirlTyler will still be live where you can peruse my archives, but this is my final blog post. Keep up with me on Twitter (it’s the main hub where I talk shit and post updates about my scripts.)

Love you all. Thank you for being my lifeline over the last 8 years. Please stay in touch and drop me a note: tyler@girltyler.com